LONELY (OR) SADNESS ?

 So, I've been in my hometown for a while, long enough to make me feel like I might as well just stay there till forever. People have just being comfortable with me, new people know me and I learn to 'know' about the people at that village. 

And somehow, when I wasn't ready enough, I had to go back to where I was living for the couple years. To be honest, I'm not really sure why I decided to come here when I can just reschedule things and not coming back yet.

. So, it's just around 12 hours since I'm here and I'm feeling a little off. 

And yeah, I knew these little feelings are just the kind of feelings that your body gave cause you're in a transition phase. At first there's a little thought 'Am I relapse--?'

But then I remember, I once asked my therapist about this little feelings I had whenever I'm back from travelling -- or even from a big function. 

Well, she said that it is normal to feel sad even though I'm not asking to be sad nor even planning on letting myself to feel sad.

It's just there and it is normal to feel it.

Therefore, I decided to let my body feel the 'loneliness' eventho I am confident that I'm not lonely. I'm used to feel full even I stay alone. 

It was my decision to not finding a partner (yet) since I know I'm not fully ready -- and for some reason, I also knew that we might never feel ready for something psychologically, as it wasn't our 'thing' to decide for. 

Our brain is just trying to take care of us and avoiding things that feels scary.

Changes are scary.

Not knowing is scary.

To be dependent when you've learnt to be independent is scary.

Life can feel scary -- just as scary as the idea of not living (if you know what I mean).

Fear doesn’t mean we are weak or broken. Often, it’s simply our brain doing what it was designed to do: protecting us, warning us, keeping us alive.

Even when emotions feel heavy or confusing, there is still a part of us that leans toward safety, toward survival. And that, in itself, is not something to be ashamed of.

So. Let's back to the original topic. About mixed-weird feelings.

How do we handle that?

Well, there's one thing that I learnt last year. 

'What does this feelings tells us?'

Rather than ignoring the 'sadness' or 'loneliness' just cause I'm used to those feelings, and denying it, try to understand it. This is the art of understanding your own body - intrapersonal intelligence by Howard Gardner I guess. 

Feelings exist for a reason. 

And you know what? Recently, I kinda feels like we're just a soul who manage this body -- a body who ain't belong to us but God. Hence, whatever the body feels, you as the host who manage that body, deserve to guide that body so that it wouldn't make a damage to the world. Khalifah at it's finest. Hahaha.

Whose been thinkin a lot, 

MQ